Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Seriously Uncertain

I started a blog approximately 11 months ago. I wrote exactly one post and then backed away. I could blame it on the kids, the house, the husband, the dog, but really it's just me. I am seriously unmotivated. If you ask any of my friends what trait of mine they wished they had they would say that I am organized. I really do like check lists, grocery lists, meal lists, activity lists, you get the idea. But, when it comes to my own life and ambitions I am seriously lame. My youngest will be ten soon and I do realize most stay at homers with kids the same ages have eased back into some sort of employment.  I help out at the school,  I coach a "sport",  I help my kids with homework, I carpool to all the activities and I bake homemade cookies (of course, of course, of course, of course, of course) But trying to figure out what I actually want to do with my time that I am not with my children has been a bit tricky. I even got a puppy - but she just turned one and doesn't need me like she did. I have a lot of wants in this life and my husband has very recently started suggesting that if I really want it I should get a job. I realize he is right, but in reality I don't want to mess with this gig I got. I am pretty happy. I feel like I am doing exactly what I thought I would be doing as I near the big 4-0 (other than having created that critically acclaimed 30 minute comedy for NBC) I guess that's it. I thought I would be a writer and as you have witnessed I have written approximately 800 words in the past year. Maybe I should take a creative writing class at my local community college? But that would be me spending more money on me and not making any money for me.  And then there is all that damn guilt about all my wants vs needs - the same thing I lecture my tweenage girls about constantly. Even though I am doing what I thought I would be doing pertaining to my family life at this stage I guess I just thought it would be different and easier. I do wish their was a reset button in the sense of work experience and education choices as the tech/network support job I excelled at in 1999 does not equate to any money now. And I don't want to get a job just to get a job, (no retail, no teacher's aide, no waitressing) I want to find something I actually enjoy and make money doing that. If I have to mess with this pretty damn good life, than it better be worth it. I'll take suggestions. And don't say go get a Master's in Ed to teach - I live in NY and school budgets aren't passing - they would have to hire back all the teachers they let go before they start hiring new ones. But, I do love a good party - do you think a small upstate country town that's in a severe recession is in need of a party planner? Seriously...